Feel like your sex life has hit a bit of a dull patch with your partner? Don't worry because the sexiest of sexy newspapers - The Daily Mail - has some helpful tips for you! Here's what the article says.<\/p>
The Daily Mail suggests - Remote control love eggs;<\/p>
\"Remote controlled sex toys, like love eggs, can turn a trip to the supermarket into the sexiest thing you've done in years.<\/p>
Insert one high into the vagina then pass the remote to your partner. They are then in control of when the egg vibrates, hitting the switch just as you're reaching for loo roll.\"<\/p>
Bad Momma says;<\/p>
Are you fucking kidding me? Because I feel at my kinkiest shopping for shit roll in Asda.<\/p>
The Daily Mail suggests - Go commando;<\/p>
\"Book a restaurant that has booths or long tablecloths, wear a floaty skirt or dress, tell your partner you're about to do something that will impress them, maintain eye contact and remove your knickers while sitting at the table.\"<\/p>
Bad Momma says;<\/p>
Why not go the full 'dirty' and book a table at KFC? Wear jogging bottoms - it's more of a challenge.<\/p>
The Daily Mail suggests - All you need is a grapefruit;<\/p>
\u201cChop off both sides of the fruit so you\u2019re left with the centre portion, then cut a hole around the same size as your partners penis and slide the slice over until it sits at the base. You then give him oral sex, sliding the grapefruit slice up and down with your fingers while you do it. Devotees claim is feels great because it feels more natural than a hand.\u201d<\/p>
Bad Momma says;<\/p>
Christ I\u2019ve heard it all now. A grapefruit? A grapefruit? On a dick? A grapefruit on a dick? Is it just me or did anyone else read that advice in Delia Smith\u2019s voice?<\/p>
The Daily Mail suggests - Shave each other;<\/p>
\"A shave or trim is highly personal - that's why it's so erotic if your partner does it for you.\"<\/p>
Bad Momma says;<\/p>
Yeah. Because eyeballing an overly hairy scrotum or fanny is WELL horny. Seriously, have The Daily Mail even looked down there properly? It's usually a car crash of flappy skin and dark meat. Also you get the extra treat of cleaning pubes out from the plug hole later. No ta. I'd rather shit in both hands and clap.<\/p>
The Daily Mail says - Make a movie;<\/p>
\"Though do a test run video first to get the right angle (nothing worse than watching a hot sex session afterward and hating the way you look!).<\/p>
Store it somewhere safe (like a Dropbox account) and your kids won't get a surprise they won't forget when they next pick up your phone.\"<\/p>
Bad Momma says;<\/p>
\"First, get the right angle.\"<\/p>
What angle would that be then? Perhaps the camera pointing the other fucking way - facing the wall might I suggest? Oh, it's all fun and games when you're rolling about like Kim K West. Play that bitch back, it'll be like a David Attenborough documentary on bull seals.<\/p>
Well done Daily Mail! What with your constant Brexit articles and these golden nuggets my vagina has never been drier.<\/p>