This is 40.<\/p>
1) I cannot do the whole \u2018no make up make up look\u2019 now. I might feel like I\u2019m a natural beauty but in reality I look like a Victorian child with influenza who probably won\u2019t make it through a harsh Winter.<\/p>
2) Nightclubs are hard work. End of sentence.<\/p>
3) I can no longer get over a hangover by 11am using only the power of an egg butty and a mug of tea. I now need an IV drip, complete and utter silence and about 72 hours of lying on a propped up cushion like a proper dying person watching nothing more brain testing than a reality show about stupid fat arsed people being stupid and fat arsed in California.<\/p>
4) Moisturisers do not in fact stop nor even improve fine lines and wrinkles.<\/p>
5) My hips randomly click sometimes. See also; toes, wrists, knees, unpredictable sharp pains in torso for no apparent reason - leading myself to think \u201coh, this is how it ends then?\u201d.<\/p>
6) Friends will cancel plans and it will no longer feel disappointing - it will feel fucking DELICIOUS. Night on the sofa with a pizza whilst watching the steely gaze of Paul Hollywood as he goes down on an eclair? Sign me up Papa John!<\/p>
7) Chin hair.<\/p>
8)It is forbidden to pass a neighbour washing their car without quipping \u201cWant to do mine next?\u201d. See also; \u201cCan I fit in your suitcase?\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s muggy isn\u2019t it? Very muggy. Needs a good pour down. That\u2019ll sort it\u201d.<\/p>
9) What the fuck is Snapchat all about?<\/p>
10) Things that are my friend; Gaviscon, middle of the night water drinking, a great mattress, exfoliating and naps.<\/p>
Things that are not my friend; High heels, bread, sitting on the floor, J\u00e4germeister and washing my fanny with anything even slightly scented for fear of a raging unbridled bout of thrush.<\/p>